Social media is part of everyday life. We post pictures of our children, vacations, dinners, celebrations, opinions, and sometimes far more than we probably should. During a divorce, however, those seemingly harmless posts can take on an entirely different meaning.
Social media can provide a permanent—and often easily misunderstood—record of what people do, say, feel, believe, and experience in their day-to-day lives. A picture, comment, story, like, or late-night post that means very little to you can look very different when viewed by your soon-to-be-ex, their lawyer, a custody evaluator, or even a judge.
Ideally, I advise clients to significantly reduce their social media activity during divorce. And before deleting, removing, or “cleaning up” existing content, talk to your lawyer first. If you nevertheless feel compelled to remain active on social media during your divorce, my professional and practical advice is simple:
1. DO NOT post pictures, stories, comments, or other content involving new dates or romantic partners.
There will be plenty of time to introduce the world to someone new. During a pending divorce, doing so can unnecessarily create questions about when the relationship began, whether marital funds are being spent, who is around the children, or issues that otherwise have very little to do with resolving your case.
2. DO NOT post unnecessarily controversial content.
You are certainly entitled to your opinions. But while a divorce is pending—particularly when children and parenting issues are involved—there is usually little upside to publicly posting inflammatory or highly controversial material. Think of the old dinner-party rules: sex, religion, and politics may be better left outside the social-media feed for a while.
3. DO NOT post about your spouse, your divorce, your lawyers, or the court.
Your divorce should not be litigated on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X, or anywhere else online. Resist the temptation to tell “your side,” respond to something your spouse posted, celebrate a perceived victory, or criticize the process.
The rare exception may be a brief, mutually agreed-upon announcement by both spouses to friends and family. Nothing more.
4. DO NOT post content involving excessive drinking, drugs, partying, or late-night misadventures—even if everything you are doing is perfectly legal.
Context disappears quickly in contested family law matters. One photograph from one night can be portrayed as something entirely different when someone is attempting to raise questions about judgment, parenting, or lifestyle.
5. DO NOT use your children as part of the divorce narrative.
Do not post anything about your children that could reasonably appear to criticize the other parent, take sides, exclude the other parent, communicate through the children, or otherwise put them in the middle.
Your children—and their friends—may eventually see what you post. Their privacy and relationship with both parents are far more important than winning a moment on social media.
6. DO NOT assume anything online is actually private.
Privacy settings are not a guarantee. Neither are disappearing messages, private stories, group chats, or direct messages. Screenshots can be taken. Posts can be forwarded. Mutual friends exist.
A good rule during divorce is simple: do not post, send, or share anything you would be uncomfortable seeing attached to a court filing.
None of this advice is intended to prevent you from living your life freely and independently. It is intended to prevent you from unnecessarily providing ammunition that can turn a minor issue into a major distraction.
Consider how easily ordinary social-media activity can be reframed:
Post a picture with a new romantic partner? Your spouse may question when the relationship started, whether that person is spending time around the children, or whether marital money is being spent on the relationship.
Post something inflammatory or controversial? It may suddenly be cited as evidence of poor judgment or used to fuel an otherwise unnecessary parenting dispute.
Post negatively about your spouse or divorce? Expect an argument that you are disparaging the other parent, escalating conflict, or unnecessarily publicizing a private family matter.
Post a picture at 1:00 a.m. holding a drink at a bar? Someone may try to turn one night out into a narrative about your lifestyle or parenting priorities.
Fair? Maybe not. Relevant? Maybe not. But now your lawyer may have to spend time—and your money—responding to it.
Does all of this sound far-fetched, ridiculous, or sensational?
Welcome to the world of family law and divorce.
Living—or at least appearing to live—a relatively private, uneventful life on social media while your divorce is pending can save you a tremendous amount of unnecessary scrutiny, conflict, expense, and headaches.
When in doubt, don't post it.