Six of the Worst Reasons to Get Divorced

When people come to my office, I always ask why they’re considering divorce. While some of the reasons are understandable, even necessary, others make me shake my head and wonder if the marriage could be saved with a little effort and introspection. Divorce is a major decision with lasting consequences, not something to pursue lightly.

Here are some of the worst reasons to get divorced and why counseling might be a better first step.

1. Lack of Quality Time Together

One of the most common issues I see is couples who simply aren’t spending enough time together. Life gets busy with work, kids, and responsibilities, and the relationship falls by the wayside. Instead of turning to divorce, consider prioritizing time for each other. Plan regular date nights, hire a babysitter, or set aside time to reconnect. Often, the lack of quality time can be remedied with effort and intention, breathing new life into the marriage.

2. Poor Communication

Communication issues are at the heart of many troubled marriages. Couples often misunderstand each other or fail to express their feelings effectively. While poor communication can lead to significant frustration, it’s often a solvable problem. A marriage counselor can provide tools and strategies to help couples communicate better, resolve conflicts, and understand each other’s perspectives.

I don’t promote divorce. I simply help people navigate the process when it’s the best course of action.

3. Financial Disagreements

Money is a common source of tension in relationships, but it’s rarely a reason to give up on a marriage. Disagreements about finances, spending habits, or saving priorities can often be addressed through open discussions or financial counseling. Educating yourself about your finances and building a joint plan for managing money can reduce stress and help couples work together toward shared goals.

4. Differences in Parenting Styles

Many couples struggle with disagreements over how to raise or discipline their children. While these differences can create tension, they don’t have to lead to divorce. A family therapist or parenting coach can help couples find common ground and create a consistent approach to parenting that works for everyone involved.

5. Unmet Expectations

Unrealistic or unmet expectations about marriage can leave people feeling disillusioned. Many of these issues stem from a lack of communication or understanding about each other’s needs. Instead of seeking a divorce, couples can work on resetting expectations, expressing their desires clearly, and finding ways to meet each other halfway.

6. No Frame of Reference for a Healthy Marriage

Some couples lack a frame of reference for how a healthy relationship looks. With today’s high divorce rate, it is not uncommon for individuals to come from families where both parents are divorced and to watch friends separate after seemingly perfect marriages on social media. It is important to seek out healthy role models or a support structure that can help you create your own vision of a strong partnership. Without these positive examples, a lack of guidance, combined with low self-esteem or lack of confidence, can lead people to view divorce as the only option. In reality, the relationship might be salvageable with support and effort.

Final Word

I don’t promote divorce. I simply help people navigate the process when it’s the best course of action. Before you walk into a divorce lawyer’s office, ask yourself if you’ve truly explored all avenues for saving your marriage. In many cases, counseling can address the underlying issues and help you repair your marriage before it gets that far. Whether it’s improving communication, resolving financial disputes, or reconnecting emotionally, therapy offers tools to strengthen relationships and avoid the pain and expense of divorce.